When I Stopped Trying to Lose Weight and Started Trying to Live

By Michele | Certified Menopause Coach, Girls Gone Strong

I weighed 145 pounds before I started Lupron.

I had been given Lupron to manage symptoms while waiting for surgery. The only thing anyone told me was that it would induce menopause symptoms. Nobody explained what those symptoms would be. Nobody mentioned weight as one of them. At the time my body was already failing me in so many ways — the mal de débarquement that made the ground move beneath my feet, the high blood pressure, the bleeding episodes that sent me running for bathrooms — that any medication promising relief felt like a lifeline. What could be worse than what I was already living through?

I put on a familiar pair of jeans for my daughter's birthday. They felt snug. I stepped on the scale and saw 155. I did not think anything of it.

Within months those jeans did not fit at all.

The numbers climbed in a sequence I still remember. 162. 165. 169. 172. 175. And then it stopped climbing and it stopped moving. It has not moved in four years.

I want to tell you what happened next, because I think it is what happens to a lot of women in this transition and almost nobody is talking about it honestly.

The Doctor Visit That Was Not What I Expected

By 2024 I had been at 175 for years. I made an appointment with my doctor and asked her for help. I assumed she would prescribe a GLP-1 medication. That was the thing I had heard about. That was the thing I thought I needed.

She told me I did not meet the criteria for the prescription. I was not obese. I was not diabetic. The medical system she worked within would not allow her to write it for me even if she wanted to.

What she said instead has stayed with me.

She told me to stop smoking. I have never smoked a day in my life.

She told me to stop drinking. I had two or three drinks on weekends.

She told me to lose weight. That was the thing I had come in to ask her how to do.

She told me to reduce my stress. I was working under a boss who demanded perfection from 5am to 4pm with no breaks.

I did not leave that appointment angry. I left disappointed. Because I do not blame my doctor. She was confined by rules that were not hers to write. She was doing what she could. Her main suggestion was a low carb low sugar diet and more exercise.

Later that year we had another conversation about my weight and she said something I have thought about a hundred times since.

She said:

“At my age losing weight is like trying to push a pebble up a mountain.”

I think she meant it as comfort. I think she was trying to tell me that the universe was stacked against me and that it was okay if the number on the scale never moved. I think she was trying to release me from blame in the only way the system allowed her to.

It did not feel like comfort at the time. It felt like the door closing.

The Four Years of Trying

I am going to tell you what I did, because I think you have probably done some version of it.

I downloaded an app and tracked every calorie. Every meal. If I made dinner I wrote down every ingredient.

I worked out six days a week. Thirty to forty-five minutes of cardio. Three days of weights and core. I followed a plan AI generated for me when I told it everything about my body and my goals.

I weighed myself Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. Naked. Exhaling fully so there would not be any extra air. Yes I really did that.

There were drops. 169. I would think yes here we go. Two days later it would be back to 175.

Four weeks of this. I would take a week off and try again. Harder this time. Sweat dripping. Heart racing. No french fries. No ice cream. Another four weeks. Nothing moved.

I went back to my doctor and told her nothing was working. That is when she said the pebble line.

I kept trying anyway. Off and on. For years.

I watched older women on social media with bodies that looked twenty years younger than mine. I thought I just needed to try harder. I thought there must be a version of me that worked at this hard enough to get there.

The Body in the Mirror

I want to be honest about a part of this that I have not said out loud in any public place before.

I would try on outfits before going somewhere and feel frumpy. Ugly. I would hate my arms. I would hate my thighs. I would stand in front of the mirror and find every place my body had changed and make a list of them in my head.

That kind of quiet self-criticism is its own kind of exhaustion on top of everything else. It uses energy you do not have. It steals from the day in front of you.

I do not have a story where I learned to love my body. I am not sure I ever will. I am not going to lie to you and tell you I look in the mirror now and feel beautiful. That is not true.

What I have arrived at is something different. I do not hate anything anymore. I just need to learn to dress for the body I have and enjoy whatever I am doing that day.

“That is not love. It is something quieter.”

And it is the most honest thing I can offer.

What the Research Says About Weight in Perimenopause

This is the section that almost every menopause article includes, and most of them present the science as if knowing it changes anything. I will give it to you, but I want to be clear that information alone has never been the thing that helps.

As estrogen declines during perimenopause and menopause, body composition changes. Fat distribution shifts. Many women find that weight which was once stored on the hips and thighs begins to settle around the abdomen. Muscle mass may decrease unless deliberately maintained. Many women notice that maintaining weight feels more difficult during this transition. Insulin sensitivity may decrease.

The research is also clear that the strategies that worked for weight loss in your twenties and thirties may not produce the same results in your forties and fifties. Severe calorie restriction often backfires because the body responds by adjusting how efficiently it uses fuel. Cardio alone is less effective than resistance training paired with adequate protein intake.

There is research suggesting that focusing on muscle preservation and strength may be more important than focusing on the number on the scale. Bone density, balance, and functional capacity matter more for long-term health outcomes than weight does. The scale measures one thing. Functional strength measures something else entirely.

This was the research I needed when I was thirty pounds heavier overnight and nobody told me what was happening to my body.

The research exists. It just never reaches the women who need it most.

What Actually Changed for Me

This year something shifted. Not because of one thing. Because of a few things landing at the same time.

I had heart palpitations for the first time last summer. After all the testing was done they told me my heart health was above average for my age. That was the first win I had given my body in years. It was the first time I noticed that my body was actually doing something well.

Then I started paying attention to my energy. I had been telling myself I was exhausted and I was. But I was also doing more than I was giving myself credit for. I was working two jobs. I was working out six days a week. I was helping my daughter plan a wedding in Italy. I was building NovaPause. My body was carrying all of that.

Then social media did what social media occasionally does and showed me two things that mattered.

The first was an older woman in a gym. Someone asked her why she worked out. She said: so I can carry my husband if there is a medical emergency.

The second was a woman climbing over a fence. The caption said: I work out so I can escape the retirement home.

Both made me laugh. Both made something click.

I want to be functionally capable. That is what I want. I want to carry my own groceries when I am seventy-five. I want to live in my home as long as I can. I want to climb over a wall if I need to. I want to be able to help my husband if something happens to him. I want to run with grandchildren if my daughters give me any. I want to do all the bucket list trips we have on our list.

“I do not want a number on a scale. I want a body that can keep going.”

What I Do Now

I stopped weighing myself in April. I have not stepped on a scale since.

I exercise six days a week but the rules are different now. Three days of cardio — twenty-five minutes on the treadmill at an incline, five to ten minutes of sprints, a cooldown. Three days of weights and core, higher intensity than I used to do.

The rule I have for myself is that I can only watch my favorite show when I am on the treadmill or lifting. That rule has done more for my consistency than any motivation video ever did.

I eat low carb and low sugar. I focus on protein. I have a protein shake every day and either yogurt with berries or cottage cheese as a snack. The next habit I am working on is increasing my water and my fiber.

I have good weeks and bad weeks. There are days I am sharp on my food and I work out hard and I feel like myself. There are weeks I am exhausted and I just walk on the treadmill and watch my show and make mindful choices and call that enough. There are days I splurge and skip a workout and tell myself it is fine.

I give myself grace now. This is a marathon. The progress I have made is in small things. I cut soda out and switched to unsweetened tea. I used to eat my husband's portion of bread or pasta and now I skip the bread or use a low carb tortilla. I have a long way to go on water and fiber. I am okay with that.

My husband and I started doing nightly stretches because we both need help being limber. We are signing up for yoga when we get back from Italy. We did not prepare in our twenties or thirties or forties because old age felt impossibly far away. After everything I have been through we have decided we have to get it together so we can actually enjoy the life we have worked this hard to build.

Italy

Our trip to Italy is fast-approaching. My youngest daughter is getting married there. The brochure for the place we are staying says it is seventy-eight steps from where we sleep to where we eat breakfast.

I walk on an incline three days a week. I can do seventy-eight steps to breakfast.

That is the whole thing. That is the only metric I care about now.

If you are reading this and you have been trying to push a pebble up a mountain for years, I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me sooner. The mountain may not be the right destination. The body you have right now can do more than you are letting it. You do not have to love your reflection to start somewhere quieter than hate.

I cannot tell you what number is on the scale today. I am not going to check. I am going to put on something that fits, walk to breakfast, and enjoy my daughter's wedding.

The research exists. And now I am telling you.

🤍 Michele Certified Menopause Coach, Girls Gone Strong

Disclaimer

This article is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The information provided is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical condition, symptoms, or treatment options including anxiety, sleep disruption, or any medication changes. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read here.

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