Perimenopause Weight Gain: When I Stopped Trying to Lose Weight and Started Trying to Live

May 25

By Michele | Certified Menopause Coach, Girls Gone Strong

This article combines my personal experience with evidence-informed research and is reviewed regularly to reflect current menopause guidance. Last updated: August 2026.

A Note From Michele

This is one of the most personal articles I've written.

It isn't just about menopause weight gain.

It's about what happened after my body changed almost overnight, the years I spent believing I simply wasn't trying hard enough, and the moment I realized I had been measuring the wrong thing all along.

If you've been standing in front of the mirror wondering what happened to your body or why the habits that used to work don't seem to work the same way anymore, I hope this helps you feel a little less alone.

Why Is It So Hard to Lose Weight During Perimenopause?

If you've been eating much the same way, exercising much the same way, and wondering why your body suddenly seems to be responding differently, there isn't one simple explanation.

Midlife weight change is usually the result of several things happening at once. Aging itself is an important part of the picture. As we get older, we tend to lose lean muscle unless we actively work to preserve it, and changes in activity, sleep, appetite, stress, medications, genetics, and overall health can all influence weight.

Menopause adds another layer. As estrogen levels change and eventually decline, body composition and fat distribution can shift, with more fat tending to accumulate around the abdomen rather than the hips and thighs. Some women notice their waist changing even when the number on the scale doesn't change dramatically.

That distinction matters. Menopause does not automatically explain every pound gained in midlife, and weight gain isn't inevitable. Hormonal changes may affect where our bodies store fat, while aging, muscle loss, activity, sleep, nutrition, stress, medications, and other health factors can influence how much weight we gain overall.

In other words, it isn't simply estrogen. It isn't simply calories.

And it certainly isn't simply willpower.

Understanding that would have changed the way I talked to myself during the years I spent trying to force my old body back.

Because this is what happened to me.

I weighed 145 pounds before I started Lupron.

I had been prescribed Lupron to manage my symptoms while I waited for surgery. The only thing anyone told me was that it would induce menopause symptoms. Nobody explained what those symptoms might actually feel like. Nobody mentioned weight.

My experience began with medical hormone suppression and later surgery, so it was not a textbook natural perimenopause transition. I also can't tell you how much of what followed was related to Lupron, hormonal changes, aging, stress, changes in activity, or some combination of all of them.

What I can tell you is what happened to my body and how completely unprepared I was for it.

Weight changes are only one part of the menopause transition. If you're wondering whether other things you've been experiencing could be connected, read Perimenopause Symptoms: What Your Body May Be Trying to Tell You.

At the time, my body already felt like it was failing me in so many ways. I was living with mal de débarquement syndrome that made the ground move beneath my feet, high blood pressure, and bleeding episodes that sent me running for bathrooms. Any medication promising relief felt like a lifeline.

What could be worse than what I was already living through?

I remember putting on a favorite pair of jeans for my daughter's birthday. They felt snug. I stepped on the scale and saw 155 pounds. I didn't think much of it.

Within months, those jeans didn't fit at all.

The numbers climbed in a sequence I still remember.

162.

165.

169.

172.

175.

Then they stopped.

For four years, they barely moved.

I want to tell you what happened next because I think some version of it happens to far more women than anyone talks about honestly.

The Doctor Visit That Was Not What I Expected

By 2024, I had been sitting at 175 for years. I made an appointment with my doctor because I assumed she would prescribe a GLP-1 medication. That was what everyone was talking about. That was what I thought I needed.

Instead, I was told that I didn't qualify under the criteria available through my health system at the time.

Then came the advice.

Stop smoking. I have never smoked a day in my life.

Stop drinking. I have a couple of drinks on weekends.

Lose weight. That was exactly what I had come to ask her how to do.

Reduce your stress. I was working under enormous pressure and had no idea how I was supposed to simply turn that off.

Looking back, I realize chronic stress was affecting more than my mood. It influenced how I slept, recovered, ate, and felt every day. If stress seems to hit differently now, you may also want to read Cortisol & Perimenopause.

I did not leave that appointment angry. I left disappointed. Not in my doctor. She was working within a system she didn't create. Her recommendations around nutrition, movement, and stress were reasonable.

They simply didn't answer the question I was really asking:

Why had something that used to feel manageable suddenly become so difficult?

During another appointment later that year, she said something I've thought about hundreds of times since.

“At my age losing weight is like trying to push a pebble up a mountain.”

I think she meant it as comfort. I think she was trying to tell me that the universe was stacked against me and that it was okay if the number on the scale never moved. I think she was trying to release me from blame in the only way she could.

It did not feel like comfort at the time.

It felt like the door closing.

Four Years of Trying

What happened next is probably familiar to more women than we admit.

I downloaded an app and tracked every calorie. Every meal. Every ingredient that went into dinner.

I exercised six days a week. Thirty to forty-five minutes of cardio. Three days of weights and core. I even followed an AI-generated workout plan built around my age, my goals, and everything I thought my body needed.

I weighed myself Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. Always first thing in the morning. Always before breakfast. Always without clothes. I even exhaled before stepping on the scale because somehow I convinced myself that the air in my lungs might matter.

Looking back, I can laugh at it. At the time, it felt deadly serious.

There would be moments that gave me hope. The scale would dip to 169, and I'd think, Finally. This is working. Two days later it would be back at 175. I'd commit to another four weeks, cut out even more carbs, skip dessert, push harder during workouts, and convince myself that this time would be different.

It never was.

When nothing changed, I went back to my doctor. I wanted to believe this wasn't my fault, but I wasn't ready to let go of the idea that the problem was me. I kept trying because I still believed there had to be a version of myself who simply worked harder than I did.

Then I'd open social media and see women my age with bodies that looked twenty years younger than mine. I compared myself constantly. I assumed they knew something I didn't—that if I could just find the right workout, the right diet, or enough discipline, I'd eventually become her too.

I spent years chasing that version of myself.

She never came back.

The Body in the Mirror

There is a part of this story I haven't shared publicly before.

Before going somewhere, I'd stand in front of the mirror trying on outfit after outfit. Everything felt wrong. I'd notice my arms first, then my thighs, then my stomach. Without realizing it, I'd make a mental list of every way my body had changed. It became a quiet ritual of self-criticism that followed me into dinners, vacations, and celebrations.

That kind of inner dialogue is exhausting. It steals energy from the life happening around you because you're too busy wishing your body looked like it used to.

People often talk about learning to love their bodies, but that isn't my story. I'm not going to tell you I look in the mirror today and suddenly love every part of what I see, because that wouldn't be honest.

What I have found is something quieter.

I don't hate my body anymore. I don't spend my days fighting it or waiting for it to become someone else's. I want to dress the body I have, enjoy the people I love, and stop letting a number on the scale decide whether I'm allowed to have a good day.

That isn't body positivity.

It's something gentler.

It's peace.

What the Research Actually Says About Perimenopause Weight Gain

This is the part almost every menopause article includes, and most of them present the science as if understanding it somehow makes the experience easier. It doesn't. But understanding what's happening can help us stop blaming ourselves.

One of the most important things I learned is that midlife weight gain and menopause are related, but they aren't exactly the same thing.

Aging is an important driver of overall weight gain during midlife. We tend to lose muscle as we age, particularly if we aren't doing activities that help preserve it. Our activity level can change. Sleep can change. Health conditions, medications, nutrition, stress, genetics, and the ordinary demands of life can all affect weight over time.

Menopause appears to have a particularly important effect on body composition and fat distribution. As estrogen declines, many women begin carrying proportionally more fat around the abdomen rather than the hips and thighs. That means the waistline can change even without an enormous change on the scale.

This is one reason the vague advice to simply “eat less and exercise more” can feel so inadequate. It isn't that nutrition and physical activity don't matter. They absolutely do. It's that the entire picture matters.

Muscle becomes particularly important in midlife because we naturally tend to lose it as we age unless we work to preserve it. Resistance exercise can help maintain muscle mass, strength, bone health, and our ability to continue doing the things we want to do as we get older.

Cardio still matters too. Aerobic activity supports cardiovascular health, endurance, metabolic health, and overall fitness. Strength training and cardio aren't competing strategies. They do different things, and both can be valuable parts of a healthy-aging plan.

Nutrition matters as well, but punishment isn't a nutrition strategy. Sustainable eating habits that provide enough nutrition are very different from continually cutting more and more food because the scale didn't move that week. Losing weight and maintaining that loss can also be complicated by changes in appetite and energy expenditure, which is one reason long-term habits matter more than another temporary crash diet.

Protein is worth paying attention to because it supports muscle maintenance and recovery, but there isn't one universal menopause-specific protein number that is right for every woman. Age, body size, activity level, health conditions, dietary pattern, and personal goals all matter.

Sleep and stress are part of the picture too. Poor sleep can affect appetite, energy, mood, activity, and recovery. Chronic stress can influence many of those same behaviors. That doesn't mean every pound around our middle is caused by “cortisol,” despite what social media may tell us. It means our health is interconnected.

There isn't one menopause hormone to hack. There isn't one food to eliminate. There isn't one supplement that fixes everything.

And there isn't one number on the scale that tells us whether we're healthy.

Perhaps that was the most important thing I learned.

The scale measures one thing.

Strength measures something else entirely.

So do endurance, balance, blood pressure, blood sugar, bone health, mobility, and the ability to live independently as we age.

That was the information I needed when my body changed and no one could explain why.

The research exists.

It just doesn't always reach the women who need it most.

Health during menopause rarely comes down to one symptom. Sleep, stress, nutrition, movement, and our overall health interact. If disrupted sleep has become part of your story too, read Sleep Strategies for Perimenopause: The 2 A.M. Wake-Up

What Actually Changed for Me

This year something shifted. Not because of one thing. Because of a few things landing at the same time.

Last summer, I started having heart palpitations. After a full cardiac workup, my doctor told me something I wasn't expecting to hear: my heart health looked remarkably good for my age.

For the first time in years, my body wasn't disappointing me. It was doing something well.

I had spent so much time focusing on what my body looked like that I had completely overlooked what it was capable of doing.

Around the same time, I began paying attention to my energy. I kept telling myself I was exhausted, and I was. But I was also carrying more than I ever gave myself credit for. I was working two jobs, exercising, helping my daughter plan a wedding in Italy, and building NovaPause.

My body wasn't failing me.

It was carrying me through one of the busiest seasons of my life.

Then social media did something unexpected. For once, it showed me exactly what I needed to hear.

One video featured an older woman lifting weights at the gym. Someone asked why she still worked out so hard. Her answer was essentially that she wanted to be strong enough to help her husband if he ever had a medical emergency.

A few days later, I watched another older woman climb over a fence. The joke was that she exercised so she could escape the retirement home.

I laughed, but something about those two women stayed with me long after I put my phone down.

For years, I had been exercising because I wanted my body to become smaller. Suddenly, I realized I wanted something completely different. I wanted to be capable.

I wanted to carry my own groceries when I was seventy-five, hike without worrying whether I could keep up, help my husband if he ever needed me, chase future grandchildren, and take every trip on our bucket list without wondering if my body would let me.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped training for a smaller body.

I started training for a bigger life.

“I do not want a number on a scale. I want a body that can keep going.”

What I Do Now

I stopped weighing myself in April, and I haven't stepped on a scale since. I honestly couldn't tell you what I weigh today because the number stopped being my measure of whether I was succeeding.

That doesn't mean I stopped caring about my health. If anything, I care more.

I still exercise regularly, but my goals have changed. Some days I focus on cardiovascular fitness. Other days I strength train because preserving muscle and staying capable now feel far more important to me than chasing a smaller number on the scale.

One of the simplest habits I've created has also been one of the most effective for my consistency: I'm only allowed to watch my favorite television show while I'm exercising. It sounds almost too simple, but that little rule has done more for my consistency than any motivational speech ever could.

My nutrition has changed too. I still tend to eat less refined carbohydrate and added sugar than I once did, but I don't obsess over perfection anymore. I make an effort to include protein-rich foods, fruits and vegetables, fiber, and foods that help me feel satisfied and energized. Right now I'm also working on drinking more water and getting enough fiber because progress still matters.

It just doesn't have to be perfect.

Some weeks I eat well, exercise consistently, and feel strong. Other weeks I'm exhausted, I walk on the treadmill while watching my show, and I call that enough. There are days I order dessert and days I skip a workout. One meal has never defined a healthy life, and neither has one workout.

The biggest lesson I've learned isn't discipline.

It's grace.

This isn't a six-week challenge. It's the rest of my life.

My husband and I started stretching together in the evenings because neither of us is getting any younger. We didn't spend our twenties, thirties, or forties preparing for old age because old age felt impossibly far away.

Now it doesn't.

We've decided we'd like to arrive there as strong as we can.

This is what works for me and reflects my own health circumstances. It isn't an exercise or nutrition prescription for anyone else.

If You're Reading This...

If you've made it this far, I'm guessing parts of this story felt familiar. Maybe you've stepped on the scale and wondered how your body changed so quickly. Maybe you've started over every Monday with a new diet, convinced that this time you'll finally find the answer. Maybe you've stood in front of the mirror, pulling at your clothes and wondering where the woman you used to recognize went.

Or maybe you're simply tired—tired of feeling like you're failing at something that once seemed so much easier.

I wish someone had explained years ago that midlife bodies change for reasons far more complicated than willpower. Hormones may be part of that story. So are aging, muscle, sleep, stress, activity, nutrition, genetics, medications, health conditions, and life itself.

Knowing that didn't magically make the weight disappear, but it did begin to quiet the guilt I had been carrying for years.

That doesn't mean I stopped caring about my health. If anything, I care more now than I ever have. The difference is that my goals have changed. I'm no longer chasing the body I had at thirty-five. I'm trying to build the strongest, healthiest version of the body I have today.

Some days that means lifting weights. Some days it means going for a walk. Some days it means stretching before bed or choosing foods that help me feel my best.

Progress still matters.

It just looks different than it used to.

I still have moments when I wish the scale told a different story. I still catch myself comparing who I am today to who I was ten years ago. But those moments don't get to decide how I feel about myself anymore. They don't get to take away a vacation, a celebration, or an ordinary Tuesday with the people I love.

If you're carrying frustration, guilt, or disappointment today, I hope you'll give yourself some grace too. Your body is changing, and your goals are allowed to change with it.

Sometimes the hardest thing isn't trying harder to become who we used to be.

Sometimes it's choosing to care for the woman we are becoming.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by several symptoms at once, my free Find Your Cool: 3-Day Reset is designed to help you begin with a few simple, evidence-informed habits rather than trying to change everything at once.

Seventy-Eight Steps to Breakfast

In a few weeks, my youngest daughter will get married in Italy. The place we're staying has seventy-eight steps between our room and where breakfast is served each morning.

A few years ago, I would have worried about how I looked walking down those steps.

Today, I only care that I can.

That may be the biggest gift this journey has given me. Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking my body to become smaller and started asking it to carry me through the life I still want to live.

If you're standing in front of a mirror wondering where your old body went, remember this: a changing body is not proof that you've failed. Your goals are allowed to change along with you.

The scale tells one story.

It doesn't tell the whole story.

I still don't know what I weigh, and I'm not going to check. I'm going to put on clothes that fit, walk those seventy-eight steps to breakfast, celebrate my daughter's wedding, and be grateful that my body is carrying me through the moments that matter most.

The research exists.

I just hope it finally reaches the women who need it.

🤍 Michele

Frequently Asked Questions

Is perimenopause weight gain inevitable?

No. Many women gain weight during midlife, but weight gain itself isn't inevitable. Aging, changes in muscle mass and activity, nutrition, sleep, genetics, medications, and other health factors all contribute.

Menopause appears to have an especially important effect on where fat is stored, with a shift toward greater abdominal fat as estrogen declines. That means body shape and waist circumference may change even when overall body weight changes only modestly.

Many women experience weight changes alongside hot flashes, sleep disruption, and mood shifts. If hot flashes are one of your biggest challenges, read How to Naturally Manage Hot Flashes and Night Sweats in Perimenopause.

Why is it so much harder to lose weight during perimenopause and menopause?

There isn't one reason. Midlife can bring gradual muscle loss, changes in activity and energy needs, disrupted sleep, stress, and changes in body composition. Hormonal changes associated with menopause may particularly influence abdominal fat distribution.

Together, those factors can mean the diet or exercise strategy that produced predictable results years ago doesn't produce exactly the same response now. That doesn't mean healthy weight change is impossible. It means the answer is usually more complicated than “try harder.”

You may also read Cortisol & Perimenopause since stress hormones can influence how we feel during this stage.

Does menopause slow your metabolism?

It's more accurate to say that aging and changes in body composition can affect how much energy your body uses.

Losing muscle with age can reduce energy needs, and many people also become less physically active over time. Menopause-related hormonal changes contribute to shifts in body composition and fat distribution.

So while women often describe their metabolism as suddenly “slowing down” during menopause, the biology involves several overlapping age-, lifestyle-, and hormone-related changes rather than one metabolic switch being flipped.

Why does fat seem to collect around my stomach now?

Many women notice this change during perimenopause and menopause. As estrogen declines, fat distribution tends to shift toward the abdomen rather than the hips and thighs.

Genetics, aging, sleep, physical activity, nutrition, and metabolic health also play important roles. Because abdominal fat (particularly visceral fat) is associated with cardiometabolic health risks, this is one reason midlife health is about more than simply fitting into an old pair of jeans.

What type of exercise is best during menopause?

There isn't one perfect menopause workout. Healthy-aging recommendations generally support combining aerobic activity and muscle-strengthening exercise, with flexibility and balance work becoming increasingly valuable as we age.

Cardio supports heart and lung health and endurance. Strength training helps preserve muscle, strength, bone health, and functional ability.

Most importantly, choose forms of movement that are appropriate for your health and that you can realistically continue. If you're starting a new program, returning after a long break, or have medical conditions that affect exercise, talk with your healthcare provider about what is appropriate for you.

How much protein should women eat during menopause?

There isn't one universal menopause-specific protein target. Protein needs depend on factors including age, body size, activity level, overall diet, health conditions, and individual goals.

What can be useful for many women is becoming more intentional about including protein-containing foods throughout the day, particularly when strength training and preserving muscle are priorities.

If you want a personalized target, or have kidney disease or another condition that affects dietary recommendations, talk with a registered dietitian or healthcare provider.

Should I stop weighing myself?

Not necessarily. That was the right decision for me.

For some women, weight is simply useful health information, and regular weigh-ins don't affect how they feel about themselves. For others, the number begins determining whether the day feels successful or whether they think they've been “good” or “bad.”

If the scale is creating distress or driving restrictive or compulsive behavior, consider discussing that relationship with a qualified healthcare professional or registered dietitian.

There are many other measures of health worth paying attention to: strength, endurance, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, sleep, mobility, energy, and how well your body allows you to live your life.

When should I talk to my healthcare provider about weight changes?

If your weight changes rapidly or unexpectedly, or the change occurs along with other new symptoms, it's worth discussing with your healthcare provider rather than assuming menopause is the explanation.

Weight changes can have many causes, including medications and health conditions unrelated to menopause. A clinician can also help if you want to lose weight but aren't sure what approach is safe or appropriate for your medical history.

Is it too late to improve my health after menopause?

Absolutely not. Improving strength, cardiovascular fitness, nutrition, sleep, balance, and other health habits can benefit women well beyond the menopause transition.

Healthy aging isn't about becoming who you were twenty years ago. It's about helping the body you have today stay strong and functional for the years ahead.

What's the most important lesson you've learned?

If there's one thing I hope women take away from my story, it's that health and weight are related, but they are not the same thing.

I can care about my cardiovascular health, nutrition, muscle, sleep, mobility, blood pressure, and longevity without making the scale the judge of whether I'm succeeding.

For me, the goal is no longer to have the body I had at thirty-five.

The goal is to build a body that will carry me through the life I still want to live.

Medical Disclaimer

NovaPause provides educational information and personal experience, not individualized medical advice.

This article is intended for general educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Michele's experience with Lupron, menopause, weight change, nutrition, and exercise is personal to her and should not be interpreted as predicting how another person will respond.

Weight and body-composition changes can have many causes, including aging, hormonal changes, medications, underlying medical conditions, nutrition, activity level, sleep, stress, and genetics. Do not assume that a new, rapid, or unexplained weight change is caused by perimenopause or menopause.

Talk with a qualified healthcare professional about significant or unexplained weight changes and before starting or substantially changing a weight-loss program, exercise program, medication, supplement, or restrictive eating plan—particularly if you have an existing medical condition or take prescription medications.

Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking care because of something you have read on NovaPause.

Sources & Further Reading

The information in this article is based on current menopause research and recommendations from trusted medical organizations.

The Menopause Society (formerly North American Menopause Society) – Evidence-based information on menopause symptoms, healthy aging, hormone therapy, and lifestyle recommendations.
https://menopause.org
National Institute on Aging (NIH) – Healthy aging, exercise, and physical activity recommendations for older adults.
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/exercise-and-physical-activity
Office on Women's Health (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services) – Menopause overview, symptoms, and treatment options.
https://www.womenshealth.gov/menopause
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) – Patient education and clinical guidance on menopause and healthy aging.
https://www.acog.org/womens-health